On Quitting: People, Jobs & Red Wine

Yaaas! I wanna share this:

At the end of 2014, I left my job in radio. Emotionally spent, frustrated because I didn’t know what I wanted from life, I stepped out into the world.

I proceeded to spend 4 months on my couch. Wrapped in the same yellow duvet that became a silent companion that always kept me shielded from the world. I watched shows. I drank. I stopped wanting or expecting.

Then I got a job. A pretty good one that I liked and I thought, ‘Finally, I’m on the right track.” That organisation folded less than two months into my time there. I was going to go back to my couch and yellow duvet (which unfortunately due to the fact that I had began leaving the house, had seen some detergent and fabric softener. It wouldn’t be the same.) And it wasn’t. By July, I had a new job. This now, I thought, was legit. It is where I have spent the last 2 years and 3 months. It is also where I will be leaving come the new year.

Like so many times before, I am choosing to leave a job that is no longer serving me. I’ve built great relationships, I’ve played the internal games  and chit chatted by the water cooler. However, it is time to move on. I have no idea what I am moving to. I have zero plan. Unlike all the other times before, I am tethered. I have a child. It’s seemingly a reckless decision but nothing has ever seemed so right.

This is not to say that I am not afraid because I am. The future is so uncertain. Instead of doing what all the sites tell you i.e. save up for 6 months worth of your lifestyle, have something queued and other things I’m just deciding to bail. But this is not what scares me. What scares me is the realisation that everything in my life is completely up to me. Now that’s fear inducing. When you realise just how much power you have over your own life, your brain is like, “STOP!”. Because suddenly you can’t blame anyone or anything that happens to you. You’re in the driver’s seat and hey, if you’re drunk and crash, it’s all on you.

Still, there is something liberating in this realisation. Now, you can start manifesting what you really want out of life. You want a new job? It’s up to you to go through the process of rejections, edits of cover letters and never ending interviews. You want to lose weight? You gotta stop justifying that doughnut, put on your running shoes and go walk around. You want a life partner? It’s time to start owning up to your shit and finding out exactly what you mean when you say you want someone to share your life with. See the trend? It’s all you.

You can begin now and don’t wait for the new year to start doing the things that give you meaning (note I didn’t say make you happy). Because even our dream careers have their dreary days. The difference is to keep getting out of bed and doing it. Let go of things that are no longer serving you (cleverly). Things, people, red wine that gives you acid reflux. And if anyone ever questions it, you tell them what Cardi B says, “If I see you and I don’t speak, that means I don’t fuck with you.” No is a complete statement. Quit justifying. Quit whining. And don’t you dare spend another year living the same life.

As for me, I don’t know what the future holds. I’ll finally finish my Masters. That’s about as far as I’ve got. Oh, that and continuing to write for you here. Sending that out into the universe and trusting it will give me what I need.

Try it. It’s free. What have you got to lose?

 

Yaaas! I wanna share this:

Gathoni

Reader. Cook. Partner. Explorer.

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4 Responses

  1. Rachael says:

    Gaaaaaah! Such things terrify me. You’re brave and I hope you know that. Wishing you all the best.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Great read. I feel you, i know that pressure especially when you have loved ones looking up to you. I figured life is too short to do the things we don’t love to do, take the plunge and explore new territories, you never know.

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